Peas in a Pod
by snippetcentric
Summary: Velanna mistakes f!Hawke for the Hero of Ferelden. Related to "Diddling Sisters" & "Taming of the Shrew" series.


A/N: HIATUS OFFICIALLY OVER. *does a silly dansu*

* * *

Velanna arched up to her toes, looking past the cluster of heads that surrounded her, searching for that familiar figure she loathed (and loved, possibly, but right now it was more of loathing). This filthy shemlen city (Kirkwall, was it?) was the latest stop in her itinerary with Solona. The prissy shemlen had coerced Velanna into riding a dinky boat for two weeks and insisted to pass by the city because it reportedly held 'vital information relating to an upcoming Darkspawn threat'. Being used to solid land all her life, the fortnight could nearly rival Velanna's encounter with the Broodmother in terms of wretchedness. On the upside, Solona was by her side all the time, administering healing spells and the like.

…

Well, truth be told they just mostly had sex, but Solona was healing her at the same time so Velanna still counted it as the latter. Hence, sea sickness notwithstanding, she was actually happy she took the trip until Solona slipped that the only reason they were in this Kirkwall was because it was her birthplace.

Of course, that riled up Velanna; years together and Solona still made a fool out of her! She would've struck the shemlen dead (or immobile, she wouldn't want to kill the priss, after all) if she wasn't too busy throwing up over the docks. Solona, coward that she was, took the opportunity and ran off, her parting words a lousy; "_I'll fetch you at the local inn!_"

Thus, here Velanna stood in a sea of stinking shemlen, in the middle of filthy Kirkwall, undeniably lost. She was nearly desperate enough to ask for directions when a number of heavily armored men accosted her.

"Ho there, mage!" cried one as he pulled his sword, "You are not from the Circle, are you?"

"Surrender now and you shall not be harmed," supplied another.

Velanna cannot help but roll her eyes; despite the helmets hiding the shemlens's faces she could already feel their eyes undressing her. It was only times like these when she was actually thankful for being a Grey Warden. "Lower your weapons, shemlen, I am on warden business," Velanna snapped as she pulled out her insignia. The sight of it gave the men pause, but not enough to lower their weapons.

"Is that thing real?" asked a third iron-garbed shemlen.

"What! Of course it's real you dumb oaf," Velanna cried and brandished the insignia more grandly from her neck. "Do I need to tell you some darkspawn are holed up some fifty miles from here for you to believe me?"

"I—well…"

"Velanna?" interjected a vaguely-familiar voice from somewhere in the crowd. Velanna was quick to search for its owner but she had already presented herself: another Dalish. She was familiar but…

"Velanna, it _is_ you!" the Dalish cried again before rushing to Velanna. The woman had short, dark hair and bore the symbols of Sylaise. She did seem familiar to Velanna, but try as she might she could not place a name on the face. The woman frowned a moment then announced; "It's me, Merrill! From the Sabrae!"

Velanna knitted her brows, the name aiding her memory but not entirely. "Merrill? The only Merrill I know is from the Alerion," she voiced.

"I moved to be the First," Merrill said offhandedly, then turned to the armored men. "It's alright, Ser templars, we're with the Champion," she explained.

Much to Velanna's surprise, that sent the shemlen packing, uttering words of apology as they went on their way. She was just mulling on who this 'Champion' was when she felt Merrill's eager eyes upon her. "Oh, right, thank—no, ma serannas, Sister," Velanna offered, the feel of elvhen relaxing on her tongue.

"Anytime, Sister!" Merrill piped, obviously pleased. Velanna was just about ready to ditch the woman when the latter started fussing. "You seem tired," Merrill declared and went about the warden, encroaching upon her personal space. "You kind of smell too. Where have you been, the Hanged Man? If you'd like—"

"Hanged wh—wait, I don't want to know," Velanna groaned; humans always did have a bad sense of naming things. "Merrill, I'm grateful for your help and I'd like to speak with you further but I need to find someone."

"Someone?" Merrill echoed and regarded Velanna curiously, looking from her staff to her face. She soon stepped away and gasped; "You're here to kill someone, aren't you?"

"What, no," Velanna groaned and found herself tempted to say '_not kill, only maim.' _She looked at Merrill and appraised her; though she still wore a First's vestments Velanna could tell she had been living in the city for long time. _A flat ear, _she thought, though not with venom; after all, she shared the same plight. And maybe this flat ear could be of some help, since she knew the city. "Perhaps you've seen her?" Velanna asked as she summoned a smile to her face, something she hadn't done in a…while.

"Are you in pain? You don't look so well."

"No I'm not. Would you let me finish?" Velanna snapped and gestured above her head, indicating Solona's height. "She's this tall, dark hair, blue eyes, pretty for a human—"

"Oh, you mean Hawke?"

Velanna gritted her teeth, barely resisting the urge to scream. "No, her name is—wait, did you just say Hawke?" she asked.

"Yes, Hawke," Merrill affirmed with a nod. "You just described Hawke. You know, the Champion I mentioned."

"Is she related to Bethany Hawke?" Velanna asked.

"Why, yes! She's her sister," Merrill confirmed with a clap of her hands. She looked at Velanna hopefully. "Do you know her? Oh right, you're a warden! Bethany's a warden too, you know. Is she well?"

"Yes and I don't know, I haven't seen her in a while," came Velanna's respective replies to Merrill's questions. She bowed deeply to Merrill, a gesture she reserved only for a fellow Dalish. "My companion is Solona, their cousin. She came here to visit this Hawke, or at least, I assume she did." She grumbled the last phrase. Then, again regarding Merrill, she asked plaintively, "Could you take me to this Hawke?"

Merrill studied her briefly but soon nodded. "Only if you promise not to try kill her," she asked.

"Deal," Velanna readily answered.

_Solona though, is a different story._

* * *

"Bodhan! Hello! Is Hawke in?" Merrill greeted as she came into the Hawke estate.

"Yes, Miss Merrill and oh! I see you have company!" the dwarf piped as he regarded Velanna.

"Mhmm, this is Velanna," Merrill declared as she gestured to Velanna, who merely nodded as a greeting. "She's a Grey Warden," Merrill said further.

"A Grey Warden!" Bodahn boomed again. "Perchance you're here for Warden Amell?"

"_What?!" _Velanna exclaimed and grabbed the dwarf by his collar, promptly ignoring the startled cries Merrill and Bodahn produced. "She's _here?" _she demanded.

"She was earlier but—"

"Where is she! Just wait until I get my hands on her! I'll…I'll…"

"What's the hubbub, Bodahn?" Hawke asked as she appeared into the parlor, disheveled and obviously had just gotten out from bed. Unfortunately for her, the manor was dark and it had been a while since she has had a haircut.

In short, to the enraged Velanna, she looked _exactly_ like Solona.

"_Yoouuu…" _

Menacing magic that could only be summoned by a very angry and tainted First filled the hall.

"Eh? Who are—"

"Velanna, you promised!" Merrill protested with a wagging of her finger.

"That was for your Champion, not this—" Velanna trailed off then uttered a set of elven expletives as she stomped over the mansion's stairs.

"Oh my, I'm sure those words weren't meant to be used like that," Merrill mumbled with a hand over her mouth as she watched the glowing Velanna approach a still very-confused Hawke.

"Excuse me, but do I—"

"SHUT UP AND GET IN THE ROOM!" Velanna yelled just as she conjured a vine, whipping Hawke's arse with it.

"WhoaOww, yes, messere!" Hawke cried and complied. Velanna followed close behind, continuing to glow menacingly with her magic all the while glaring at Merrill and Bodahn. Just before she closed the doors, she purred;

"If she dies, it's from happiness, so _please_ ignore the screams."

The pair helplessly watched Hawke's door close behind the warden.

"Do they really look alike?" asked Merrill.

_Uhm, Velanna, was it? You're probably mistaking me for my cousin, Solona. You kn—_

"Peas in a pod," Bodahn replied. His hands had moved to the front of his pants. "Are they, going to—"

_Wait, what are you doing with that vine? Or vines for that matter? Oh…OOHHH!_

"I think so, yes," Merrill replied as a blush formed on her features.

_Hey, stop that! That was from Bethany! Ooo, not there, NOT THERE!_

Merrill pointed to the estate's doors. "D-do you think I should look for this Solona person?" Merrill asked again as the flush spread to her ears.

_Oh yes, I am Solona! Yes. YES. MAKER YES MY NAME IS SOLONA!_

Bodahn wheezed;_"_Y-yes, I think you should."

Merrill nodded. "Agreed," she declared.

And off they went; Merrill to find Solona and Bodahn…well…

He just hoped not to soil his trousers.


End file.
